My best friend and I saw each other every day from the time we were three years old to 18. When I lost him, I lost myself. I'll never forget his last words: "I'm tired of defending you. I just want to be popular." Over the years, I've tried not to replay that moment. It's one that will break my heart over and over again if I allow it. I brace myself every time I edit the chapter I wrote about us, but sometimes I can't prepare for the memories it brings, and even if I could, I